A bully is one of those human traits that can come from nowhere and just knock you for six. You may be the bully or may be bullied and not even know. You may not know your bully personally, especially with the advent of social media or it could be from an acquaintance. The bully may know you personally. He or she could be your boss or a work colleague, a member of your family or even a friend.
The strange thing about being bullied is that you may not even know that you are bullied, until you are in the middle of the situation, or you have the time and space to reflect on what has occurred.
Once these situations start, it can be tough to control them. The bully may feel that they have done nothing wrong and they are only ‘having laugh’, they are ‘asking a question’ or simply ‘trying to get you to agree to something’. Whatever the situation, if you feel that you are being bullied then you are being bullied. The question you need to ask is, how can I stop this from happening. What actions do I control that can alleviate the situation.
It has been suggested that you should confront the bully. Tell them how you feel and have a civilised conversation about the issues. In addition, the bully is generally a coward and having someone stand up to them see them cowering in the corner. In my experience, this rarely works. There are instances when it does work, especially with family and friends. However, in a work environment or on social media the stakes are slightly different and resolution will be different.
The main endeavour for any bully is that they want you to feel inferior to them. To put it another way, they want to feel superior to you. The only way they can feel superior to you is if you let them. If you regularly re-run encounters (negative retrospection) with them, you are giving them permission to be in your head and bully you even further. Giving a bully permission to be in your thoughts when they are not around you is when the bully wins. It is also when the bully makes their greatest impact. They will have no idea if and when you relive the encounter. They are not in control of how you think, you are. You also control how you reacted to a particular situation. You can also change your reactions or reply in an alternative manner.
Tips to stop Negative Retrospection – Bully
- Try not to think about the situation after the event; don’t re-run different scenarios to imagine different outcomes and alternatives conversations.
- Prepare yourself for the next encounter and ensure you know your facts on a particular job/task/situation.
- Don’t allow yourself to get stress about the situation, especially if you cannot control it. Try some ways to relax, for example, hypnotherapy.
Hypnotherapy or Hypnosis could help
Although hypnotherapy will not stop the bully, hypnosis will help you to relax. Giving you the opportunity to view the situation in an alternative way. You could purchase a hypnosis programme for relaxation and anxiety or visit a local hypnotherapy practice. For more information look here. If you would like to try a free stress relief MP3, click here.
Alternatively; you could try a series of mindfulness sessions or CBT. Which every therapy you decided to utilise, remember being bullied is not your fault.